Weekly Residuum Nš 9 - August 2000 / A
© photo and text Koen Nieuwendijk
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If you have ever attempted to digest my texts, you probably know that I
leave no stone unturned in my drive to use the correct spelling and syntax.
I was therefore slightly taken aback when I realised that in a recent mail
shot (funny word, that, but it's a heck of a lot snappier than "a collection
of identical, not-quite-personal documents which seek to trigger some form
of action by those to whom they are addressed, and which are dispatched by
post under a reduced rate scheme provided the sender complies with certain
requirements") I had inserted a definitely inappropriate apostrophe in the
word "its", making it come out as "it's", which as we all know means
something entirely different. Even more perplexing - I'd almost call it
embarrassing if it wasn't so peculiar - was my subsequent observation that I
was finding it almost impossible to keep myself from bopping in these
apostrophes all over the shop. Of course I could confess to being worried by
this peculiar turn of events, just to put your mind at ease, but quite
frankly I wasn't that concerned, although it did make me wonder as to the
reasons - and I have now found a plausible explanation. I'm approaching 60, and I happen to consider it my duty to keep going for another 60-odd years. The main reason for this is my recently having embraced the notion of human cells having a regenerative capability, even though the precise ins and outs of this mechanism under the various circumstances are still being scientifically charted. Be this as it may, I feel that regeneration is useful only as long as you've actually got something to do, and there's only stuff to do if you are interested in something or other, and it gets even better if you can empathise with generations who are immeasurably younger than you - and even though I have never accessed Napster to nick a chart topper, I'm dying to figure out how it works and which buttons to push. And this is only the beginning. A second process runs parallel to the first. In my view you would have to be really stupid not to gather a degree of wisdom in the course of your life, and this is affecting me, too. It's true that this does make you clad your opinions in armour in advance, which of course has the opposite effect of what you're seeking to achieve. Then again, confrontation demands more attention than denial, so I'd never lose out anyway. However, appearances can be deceptive, as the apostrophe shows. Although I recognise in myself a tendency to confer the power of a directive on my assertions, I evidently feel the need to bolster my confidence by adding the identity of the authoritative third party to my own. Do you want to save me, mock me, laugh at me or correct me? That's all it takes - I can deal with it, with or without apostrophes. |