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When flicking through the paper everyone only reads for its section on the economy (similarly to the Times), much to my delight I stumbled upon a report to the effect that animals too know all about manipulation. This, you see, casts a radically different light on human manipulation: one cannot accuse animals of being evil even though some of them are prone to swallowing others alive, and so us humans cannot be condemned for characteristics we share with the animal kingdom. Admittedly as a species we like to lay claim to a certain added value because of a special kind of awareness, which makes it difficult to challenge those clever dicks who venture that this should enable us to hold our primeval instincts in check, but never mind that for the moment. However, in the wake of the multitude of insubstantial words about mindless violence, the thought took hold of me that with their social skill of peeing as high up as possible while doing a handstand, giant pandas lead by example, although I'm still figuring out why this particular report had ended up in the economy section. Regardless of how many muscles are involved in the Olympic ideal, or in what life is all about for that matter, most sphincters play no significant part except where they passively interfere. However, thanks to the giant panda we have now been presented with the perspective of a whole new range of Olympic disciplines, such as peeing the greatest possible distance, peeing as high up as possible, on-the-mark peeing, wide-range peeing, artistic peeing or power peeing, to name but a few of examples, and as there will always be people who are better at something or other and there will always be others to applaud them, as long as I don't have to participate, what business have I rating my own preference more highly? And, better still, this would give Amsterdam, as a city which like no other inspires illicit peeing even when it's not pissing down, a solid base on which to build on in its aspirations as a future Olympic host. Which is why I take this opportunity to call on the central Amsterdam constituent council to cherish rather than arrest those within its boundaries whom it catches in the act of illicitly peeing. Now that you are winding down all sports accommodations within your jurisdiction, there's nothing to stop you redeveloping these at minimal cost, to be relaunched as training centres for your future peeing champions. Ladies and gentlemen of the constituent council, now is the time to act! |